Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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