Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
