the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
