I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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