this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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