sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
