In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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