Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
