you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
