I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
