Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk is not a location!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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