Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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