I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
