Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
