Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
