actually, I'm a sock model
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
