when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
