i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
