note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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