Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
