We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
