You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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