oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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