Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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