Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
