I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
