tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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