you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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