is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
