sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
