Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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