I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
