I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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