I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
