Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
