so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
