my shit smells like andre
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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