It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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