You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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