hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
