I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
