I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
