I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize