1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
