Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
