is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
