I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
