Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
