i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
