Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
