They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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