The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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