I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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