i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Damn victory sex feels great
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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