we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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