it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
