new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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