Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
