Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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