i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
