This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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