i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
