I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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