Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
