we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
