My friends, they love my intelligence
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
