you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
