Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
